It’s been hard to write a second update letter because the pre-journey to Malawi has not been an easy or necessarily exciting one. It feels like every other week I get caught in a slump and thrown off my groove. Life gets complicated with work and family and friends and all the random drama that comes along with it. But I’m excited to share this update, because it is an important one.
I’ve been subbing in Long Beach since early January, and it has been quite a ride. Being a small, young female in a classroom of barely self-aware and pre-pubescent kids is kind of hard; students usually ask if I am a new student, and have a generally hard time listening to me when I look like their older sister or peer. There are also a lot of Latino immigrants, a whole separate and non-Malawi related issue of education, but one that is challenging for a sub nonetheless.
That said, subbing has been the perfect boot-camp for when I have my own classroom. I’ll definitely know how to deal with troublesome kids, and I’m really looking forward to having a class of my own, that I can stay with and get to know for longer than 6 hours.
As far as fundraising goes, it has been quite a challenge. I’m afraid to say that my original plan of raising $10,000 on my own won’t be possible. With three months left, and only two of those being school working months, I’ve barely been able to make enough to live in Long Beach. I don’t think I fully realized the cost of living before making the effort to try and raise a third of the funds myself.
And I feel like a failure, not being able to follow through. But I have received so much support from my community down here. My roommates have been so supportive and loving, and have helped me to realize that this may have been the greater plan all along.
I’m not usually shy to share how I’m feeling, and a few weeks ago I was at a birthday party and just dumped my current frustrations to a friend. I told him I was stressed about fundraising, and he offered to donate right then there, and he did!
Fundraising is weird like that.
I’ve been spending a lot of time in books and articles and scripture about God’s for-sure fulfilment of his promises to our prayers, and am slowly learning to see the mountain as something God wants to hike over with me, not use to block or stop me; this is a growing moment, and I’m trying to be obedient to it.
“Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin… But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!” – Luke 12:22-31
I found that this story in particular is closest to where I’m at in terms of seeing money and provision the way God does. We don’t call him a good good Father for no reason. Ours is a God of love, not burdens.
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